I want to thank you all for coming through all the ice and snow today. It is your strength and support that will help us. Your phone calls meant a great deal. So many of you called and just to hear your voice and to know you cared and were thinking of us helped ease the pain. Your cards, photographs and stories brought smiles and laughter. We are doing things a little differently today…the way we think Heather would have wanted. We are having a Memory Book at the Reception instead of a Guest Book for you to write a few lines or recall a story. We are also having name tags…for you to write your first name and connection to Heather so you can share memories. There is so much I want to tell you about Heather…lots of stories…funny stories. My brother Win in Atlanta GA reminded me of one funny incident. Win and his wife Carol came to visit one summer with their little boy Christopher aged 1 ½ years. Heather would have been about 2 years. We used to bathe the children together in the bathtub and they had a great time splashing around. The first night, however, Heather stood straight up and announced, “Chris has a ragged ol’ bottom!” It wasn’t neat and tidy like hers. Heather was gentle and kind –you never heard her say a bad word against anyone. She was focused and determined in whatever task was at hand. I remember when she had to wear braces at the age of 12. The orthodontist recommended a headgear. He told her the more hours she wore the headgear the quicker she’d get rid of the braces. On the next visit to the orthodontist he asked, “ Have you been wearing your headgear, Heather?” Heather promptly pulled out the box that she carried the headgear in AND a notebook in which she had recorded all the hours of each day since the last visit. He was astounded! When the boys were born she continued with the note-taking---recording how long each baby breastfed, how many wet or dirty diapers…everything. She also had a notebook with her in Calgary to help keep track of medication changes, procedures and doctors comments. Heather loved to smile and loved to laugh. Even when she was drifting away from us on Thursday November 15th---I told her something funny that one of the boys had said the previous day and she gave a little chuckle. No matter how she felt, how tired or ill, she always had a smile for Patrick and Lucas and always had a perky or cheerful tone to her voice. I want to thank Reverend Sue Woods for helping us today with words of comfort and illustrating Heather’s love of nature. Gerry Grassby, our dear and wonderful friend for his work on the sound and hours he spent on the beautiful pamphlet. Thank you to all our friends for their comfort, the food that arrived at the back door and for taking on tasks for me while I was in Calgary. I have to mention Dave and Betty Smith, their daughters Teri, Lori, and Amy who were our guardian angels in Calgary. They not only opened their home to us but also their hearts. They fed us, supported us, helped look after the boys----never minding toys all over the floor or play dough on the kitchen table. Your emails throughout the summer helped me to remain strong for Heather. At times she was overwhelmed thinking of the number of people who were praying and pulling for her. The morning she died she was drifting in and out of consciousness. At one point she opened her eyes and said she saw a lot of people standing there. Doug said, “They are all your family and friends sending you love.” I said, “Can you feel that love?” She said, “Yes. Tell them I love them.” Was that the power of prayer? I’d like to think so. Heather had two very special friends who were like sisters to her. Jackie Litzgus and Melissa Debrouwer. Both these friends were out twice to Calgary to visit her. They gave her strength and hope and kept her smiling through her pain. Who could ask for better friends than that? My dear, beautiful, darling daughter, I will always miss you and losing you leaves a huge hole in my heart. I promised you I would stay with you and help you for as long as you needed me. As you were leaving us I made another promise to you that I would help Doug with Lucas and Patrick. I know you will be watching your boys grow into fine young men that you will be proud of. I will love you always. Mom
For HP
Heather & I met at the University of Guelph, in 1995. Right from that first meeting, I found her to be open, friendly, positive, quick to laugh, and quite simply, a fun person to spend time with.
Our friendship did not turn into romance until a few years later. I can still recall the excitement of that first date, that first kiss. Since that time, we have shared countless great memories and experiences together:
- Exploring the St. Lawrence Islands
- Touring the Toronto Zoo
- Starting a new home in Canada’s Northwest Territories
- Flying over the Mackenzie Mountains
- Canoeing on the South Nahanni River
- Proposing marriage high up in a fig tree in Australia
- Our wedding here in Bala, and our honeymoon at the cottage
- Looking for turtles, snakes and alligators in South Carolina
- Being startled by a grizzly bear on the portage trail near Rabbitkettle Lake
- Learning that she was carrying not just one child, but two
- The birth of our twin sons
- Laughing; at silly jokes, movies, the antics of Patrick & Lucas, or anything at all.
I feel very fortunate that Heather chose to spend these times, and so many others, with me.
Heather was not one to pursue fame or fortune, and often preferred to work in the background rather than out front, but she had a marvellous skill of accomplishing tasks she set out to do, and paid great attention to detail.
Family and friends meant the world to Heather, and since the birth of Lucas & Patrick, nothing was more important to her than her sons. They really brought out the best in her, and she was a model mother. A part of Heather lives on in each of them.
Heather was a very giving person, and she volunteered extensively in our community of Fort Simpson. Even during her recent hospitalization, she willingly participated in several clinical trials for multiple sclerosis and leukemia treatments. She often laughed about how many times she had been referred to as “an interesting case”.
Heather met life’s challenges with great determination and a positive attitude, including the medical battles of the last few years. She deserved more out of life, but gracefully accepted the end when it came.
It is a testament to Heather’s independence, her determination, and her love of friends and family that she seldom complained about what must have been an incredible weight to carry, both physically and emotionally. Many of her friends had no idea of the extent of her medical conditions, because Heather was never one to look for sympathy, and she managed to maintain a remarkably optimistic outlook on life. We can all learn a lot from her example.
Heather was my friend, my love, and my best audience. She listened to my concerns, encouraged and shared in my hopes and dreams, and even laughed at my jokes.
HP - I just want to say I love you, and thank you for the wonderful family, and wonderful life, you have given me. Thank you.
Heather Feather
Well Heather Feather, my Big Sister, I know you can hear us today, and let me tell you that everyone here today really knows how special a person you are. But if it is okay with you, I would like to share some of my favorite things about you that only a brother would know and love.
According to Mom, Heather and I started out in life with noticeably different personalities. To compare us as babies, Heather was the stubborn one who threw an endless amount of fits – and I was the quiet one who kept my thumb in my mouth. But as the story goes, my big sister wasted no time in trying to teach me how to read – when I was at the ripe old age of 2. I probably just stared at the pictures - as I still do now – but I am thankful for the early lessons. As we got older, Heather turned into a top notch student, and I can remember starting grade 9 at Thornlea Secondary School and thinking that all those expectations teachers had of me in public school were over as I was now going to a bigger school. But I soon realized that even in High School, a great majority of the teachers knew who Heather was, and those same expectations continued. It wasn’t easy to follow an older sister who was a straight A student, Junior Acheiver, Valedictorian, and so on, and so on. But no matter how I did - Heather was always very supportive and always willing to help.
I think it is simply, the silly times with Heather that I will cherish the most, and we all know Heather loved to laugh. Dinner time was always fun as I would make fun of the way she separated everything on her dinner plate – so the peas would not touch the carrots, and the potatoes would not touch the beef – so by the time she was done it looked like a TV dinner and almost cold. Then she would laugh at how I would always make funny faces in the mirror of the china cabinet behind her. But it seems as though we laughed the most together when doing the dishes. I would make a beard on my face out of soap suds - Heather would practice her Scottish dancing, then we would both finish off by whipping each other with wet tea towels. And I think I still have the marks on my arms from those tea towel whips, and for some reason my skin breaks out into a rash every time I touch “Sunlight” dish detergent.
Heather always had a way of caring for others. When she was a camp councilor at "Camp Tawingo", I remember thinking how great it was - that she was still receiving letters from some of the young campers after the summer was over and school was back in. Heather even received some letters from parents of the young campers - which really shows the kind of impact she must have had on them and some of the connections that she made.
Without a doubt, Heather was always looking out for her little brother. There is one day in particular that I will never forget when I was 13. I remember coming home from school, going upstairs to my room, and was immediately followed in behind - by my Big Sister. She shut the door and stood in front of it so I couldn’t leave – with a look on her face that meant “Trouble” - “Big Trouble” – and it was me that was in “Big Trouble”. In Heather’s hand was a pack of cigarettes that she found in my dresser drawers. I was now at the age when I had grown taller than my Big Sister, and she had started borrowing my clothes (which I actually never really minded that much as it kind of made me feel special). But this day, I didn’t feel special – and as Heather stood in front of that door – she yelled – she scolded – and she lectured me about how disappointed she was in me that I had decided to try smoking. I eventually made it out of that situation alive - and decided that smoking was not for me – thanks to my Big Sister.
But, I think it is important to note to all of you that I do remember weeks afterwards, I did get “blackmailed” somewhat over this incident. There were little looks from my Big Sister at dinnertime like:
“You want me to tell our parents about your new little habit Scotty Boy? See those dirty dishes over there in the kitchen? It might be a good idea if you do those for me tonight.”
There is no question that Heather always possessed a special kind of toughness. As tiny kids, I remember swimming at Bruce’s Mill – where Dad and Linda put gunky sand, shells, and mud in both our bating suits. And while I was horrified by this act, Heather thought it was funny and laughed hysterically (I think Linda still has the picture to prove it). As teenagers, whenever Heather or I got in trouble with Mom and Neil - we would take our lectures differently. I would stay quiet and take it like a man – okay more like a terrified little boy. But Heather would argue, plead her case, and usually close her performance by stomping her feet all the way up the stairs to her room and finishing off by slamming her bedroom door shaking the whole house. But her toughness applied to physical activities as well – and it is the little things I remember - like her calluses. One summer after Heather came back from Volleyball Camp, I remember being impressed by the calluses on her hands and wrists from excessive spiking of the ball. Another summer, which consisted of the grueling job of planting trees, she came back with calluses all over her hands – (and a few more creative swear words added to her vocabulary).
But Heather definitely had a gift for speaking very eloquently. I remember Neil and I listening to the interview she gave on CBC Radio for her involvement with the Toronto Zoo and the “Frogwatch” program - And Neil pointed out how clearly Heather spoke, and I remember that being a very special moment and both of us feeling very proud of her.
As elegant as Heather was, she still could be shy at times. This was first noticeable to me when we were kids during our family camping trip out West in the Summer of 78. When we would arrive at a new campsite, the routine was – set up the trailer - do our chores – then Heather would send me across to the next closest campsite that consisted of kids to play with. The deal was that once I got to know all of them, I had to invite her over to come play. Looking back now, I wonder if this was really a gift from Heather in disguise – as I have always enjoyed meeting new people and discovered even more when I traveled by myself overseas.
Heather has always been very accommodating, and in the Summer of 2003, I was able to spend 2 months up in Fort Simpson, visiting Heather and Doug. This was without a doubt one of the most special periods in my life. Heather and I were able to stay with Doug in the South Nahanni National Park Reserve for approx 2 weeks. The 3 of us stayed in a small cabin on Rabbit Kettle Lake – which is one of the most peaceful and beautiful places I have ever been. This was time well spent - just spending time with each other - and during that time I learned 2 things:
1) Don’t play scrabble with a Zoologist and a Biologist.
2) It is better to bump into a Grizzly Bear on a portage without a canoe on your head.
I will never forget one night in particular that Summer in Fort Simpson, when Heather and Doug drove back from Yellowknife after a obstetrician’s appointment. We were standing in the kitchen and Heather handed me an ultrasound picture that was taken of her pregnant belly.
She said: “What do you think?”.
I replied with: “Well, I see one head there…and something else there…could it be?”
“TWINS”. She said.
The joy and excitement we felt that night was incredible and something I will never forget. These two boys have been a blessing to us all. I know Doug will make a great father for Patrick and Lucas- and it was that same summer I learned first hand how truly amazing Doug Tate really is. That summer I was lucky enough to join Doug and 2 other Park Canada staff on a 10 day canoe trip down the South Nahanni River. At one point during the trip, Doug Harvey and Sharon Haye’s canoe was following in behind us and flipped over in a dangerous section of the river called the “Wrigley Whirpool”. We heard the whistle blow, turned back and saw them both hanging onto the upended canoe for their lives as they shot towards us. That was when the adrenaline started, and the mild mannered - gentle man - we all see before us now in Doug Tate - transformed into a Drill Sergeant. And it was Doug’s leadership, courage and confidence that resulted in a successful canoe rescue that day.
So now Doug, I know with Heather gone there will be times that you feel like you are being pulled backwards again - down the rapids – roped to an upended canoe with 2 people hanging on. But let it be known that you are not alone, and we are all in the canoe paddling with you.
So Heather Feather, over the last 2 weeks I have enjoyed thinking about all the great times we had and all the great things about you I love. Coming up to Bala this weekend, I remembered how you used to play your flute at the end of the dock – and I can still hear those notes echo across the river almost like a loon calling. And so my Big Sister, I know you can hear me, so let it be known that I will always admire you for your courage - and I will continue to brag on to my friends about you – I miss you deeply – I will always love you – but most of all thanks for being such a great big sister Heather Feather.
Scott Winfield Passmore
My Eulogy for HP
I wanted to study turtles. At the University of Guelph, where I was an undergrad, everyone knew that if you wanted to study turtles, you worked in the research lab of Dr Ron Brooks. I had the inside scoop on a locality of the endangered Spotted Turtle and wanted to study the population in more detail. In May of 1992, I walked into the Brooks lab, and sitting there at a desk was a woman who obviously must have studied turtles. I approached her and said, “Hi, my name is Jackie. Wanna go catch turtles with me?” She said, “Sure. My name is Heather, but most people call me HP.” We spent the next five days canoeing and wading in the swamps of eastern Georgian Bay, and a friendship was born.
Heather’s and my friendship grew over those unforgettable years at the University of Guelph. Our circle of friends also grew, and there were many, many good times had: afternoon coffee in the lab, Halloween and Christmas parties at the Grad Lounge, the infamous parties at Ron Brooks’ house (parties whose success was gauged by the number of bottles of wine consumed per capita), beers at the Albion Hotel, walks at the Arboretum, and hanging out at the house on Northumberland. HP and I snowshoed and skied at Camp W in Bala over Christmas Breaks, and she held my hand while I got my first (and only) tattoo. Heather and I both completed our Master of Science degrees in the Brooks lab, and defended our theses one day apart; Heather on January 11 and me on January 12 of 1996. During that time, Heather lived with me and my parents in Burlington, and our friendship evolved into more of a sisterhood.
Heather and I went turtling together many more times after that first excursion to the swamps of Georgian Bay, and our affinity for turtles seemed to follow us from Guelph. In fact, when we were hired in the spring of 1996 by our friend Ben Porchuk to catch snakes on Pelee Island, we quickly acquired the name, “The Turtle Twins”. As we rode our mountain bikes around the island, people would wave and say, “There go the Turtle Twins!” For part of the time that we were on Pelee Island, Heather and I lived together in a chicken yard, in a windowless trailer whose door was held closed with a bungie chord. The trailer was on the property of Leigh White who ran a Bed & Breakfast on the island. Papa Leigh was quite a character, and he readily adopted Heather and me; he took good care of us and called us “his girls”. We had to fend off the chickens, geese and goats as we headed to the trailer to go to bed at night, but we didn’t mind. Having recently been poor grad students, we thought we had hit the jackpot – so what if we had no electricity or running water and lived with farm animals, we were actually being paid money to ride our bikes and catch snakes! What could be better?!
In the late summer of 1996, I took a research job at Miami University in Ohio. Ben and I had made a plan for him to come down to visit me for a long weekend. Ben arrived on the Friday night at about midnight. He danced around at the doorway of my apartment for a few minutes and then asked if I would give him a hand getting stuff out of the car. I walked out to the parking lot with him, and suddenly, out of the car jumped HP with a yell of, “Surprise!” I was so surprised, and then I noticed someone else was also in the car, but they seemed to be having a hard time opening the backdoor. It was Jonathan Edmonds, trapped by the childproof locks! We freed Jon from the car and proceeded to have one of the best weekends of my life. We all crammed into the same bed for a little while, we went out looking for salamanders, queen snakes and spotted turtles, and almost lost Ben to the quicksand-like muck of a swamp. Rather than save Ben, Jon was mostly worried about saving the car keys that were in Ben’s pocket! And there was more laughing than you can imagine. HP, Jon and Ben told me that they had been conspiring about the trip for quite some time, and used the code name “Operation Casserole” whenever they were making their plans. When I stood with them at the trunk of the car to unload their stuff, there amongst the beer and backpacks was indeed a casserole! I was literally shaking with excitement and thinking, “This is the best surprise a person could ask for. No one else on this planet has friends as great as these, I am so lucky.”
I ended up staying in the USA for 8 years altogether, but never fell out of touch with HP. She worked at Highlands Biological Station in North Carolina for a summer, and I visited her there. She moved back in with my parents for a little while, then to Brooklin when she worked at the Toronto Zoo with the Adopt-a-Pond Program. HP and Doug came down to visit me while I was doing my PhD in South Carolina (where we wrastled a few alligators and snakes). Then HP moved up to Fort Simpson to make her life with Doug. Heather and I saw each other less often during these past few years, and as we hit our 30s our lives took somewhat different paths, but our friendship was not bound by geographic distance or by the responsibilities and seriousness of becoming grown-ups, and so our sisterhood remained strong and true.
Heather was a rare and special person for many reasons. She was brave; she was both silly and full of quiet grace. But one attribute stands out for me, and that is because she was so easy to love, and to be loved by her for the past 15 years has been a privilege. Heather was my best friend and I will forever cherish these fun memories of our sisterhood during the times when she was well.
by Jackie Litzgus
Sudbury, Ontario
